Min? Jien?

Customer Service Rep:

Yes, how can I help you today?
Customer:

Well, after much thought I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through

the process?

CS Rep:

Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer:

Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do?

CS Rep:

The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART?

Customer:

Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now.

CS Rep:

What programs are running?

Customer:

Let's see... I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep:

No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current
operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer

disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with

a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely

turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE

from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer:

I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep:

My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as
many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have

been completely erased.

Customer:

Okay, done! LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep:

Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your
HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer:

Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep:

Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin
connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer:

Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep:

What does the message say?

Customer:

It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS".
What does that mean?
CS Rep:

Don't worry, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up
to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of
those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you
have to "LOVE" your own machine before can "LOVE" others.

Customer:

So what should I do?

CS Rep:

Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer:

Yes, I have it.

CS Rep:

Excellent! You're getting good at this!

Customer:

Thank you!

CS Rep:

You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the
"MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.EXE, REALIZE-WORTH.EXE, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.EXE. The system will overwrite any conflicting

files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete

TALKATIVE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle

bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer:

Got it... Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my
monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are
copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?

CS Rep:

Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded

at the proper time. So now you have LOVE installed and running. You should be

able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.

Customer:

Yes?

CS Rep:

LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you
meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some
similarly cool modules back to you.

Customer:

I sure will! Thanks for your help! By the way, what's your name?

CS Rep:

You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but

most call me God. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for

maximum efficiency. In other words, keep in touch!!